Going through my notebooks from these years, it’s clear that I was highly motivated to make internal changes that would eventually lead to massive changes in the living condition of my life. I began with A Course in Miracles and moved to Tapping and then took notes while reading The Science of Mind. Later, I took up martial arts and began the Yogananda meditation course. I also began affirming a business in which I created opportunities for spiritual growth through artistic and creative activities.

I must say, that I am lacking the level of motivation I had during those years.

At any rate, the messages from my guides are few.

As I go through the pages, I can see the frustration I felt with my life. There was no room for me to sit quietly and listen because my whole being was screaming. I addressed that screaming with affirmation, visioning, reading and contemplation. But not with questions and certainly not with listening. The space I must be in to receive answers is much quieter than anything I could have achieved during this time.

Here is an example:

April (nearly May) 2016

While I realize that this time of year everything is difficult, I feel like I am dealing with a level of frustration that is beyond my ability to control.

I never want to walk into the classroom I presently work from again. Never. Not today, or next week and certainly not the next seven years. I am trying to make the best of it, and yet today I feel like I might start screaming and never stop.

This situation did not resolve itself until the following year.

March 9, 2017

The first message from my guides, in the journals I kept during this time, appears on March 9, 2017 and came spontaneously from a place of happiness and excitement. This was just weeks after the public pottery studio I owned sold as well as the flip house Charley and I renovated. I was feeling good about getting into the new backyard studio and while writing about my ideas, my guides began to offer advice.

“Slow way down so that when you see what you really want you will recognize it. Spend a year or more just being who you are and doing what you do. Allow what is yours to come to you and move slowly enough to recognize it when it does.

You have the time to wait, to observe, and to experiment. You have the resources to do nothing and allow the universe to bring to you whatever you desire. No hurry. No stress. Slow and steady. Enjoy the journey. Sleep softly and long. Walk happily. Plant joy and health. Harvest beauty and contentment. Allow simplicity to guide your choices.

Allow your choices to bring you a slow and steady improvement in the expansion of consciousness of Joy and Love and Light.”

I wrote:

I am grateful for this guidance and am happy and open to following it completely.

March 12, 2016

You want to create a new life but are unwilling to begin. There are things you can do however, like yoga and prayer and meditation that will help you transition from the life you have known for the past two decades. Begin now – today – to put things in order and release everything that no longer has a place. Start today.

October 3, 2017

In order to understand why my guides say the things they do, it is important to understand just what they are working with here. I can talk a good game, but when it comes time to do the real inner work, I start looking for a new job or a new education program that will be the answer to all my problems. My Aries moon just will not sit still, even when I ask for help and my guides say sitting still will help.

At this juncture, I knew I could retire with my partial pension. I was determined to do that and start my own business. So of course, I was looking into educational programs in psychology and community social justice. I called this avenue “Third Career” and began looking into all sorts of programs. I applied for the LPC program a SFASU and changed my mind when they accepted me, and nearly applied for ministerial school.

One such diversion was the Fox Institute in Bolder, Co. They were having their grand opening and I thought I might go to see if an opportunity was there for me. Never mind that the last message I got from them was to be still and let opportunities come to me. So, I asked:

There is a strong voice telling me to go to Boulder for the opening of the Fox Institute. It seems like just another of those things I do when I am looking, searching, for answers. I hang all my hopes on one thing and obsess over it until it just doesn’t pan out or … (They just didn’t let me finish.)

“Dear Maggie,

You are divine light. You are that love, light, and wisdom you seek. That love that you remember, that sensation of being cherished, you are that. You are cherished most deeply and that feeling is right where you are. Your lesson then is to love yourself. Your lesson is to believe in yourself. Your lesson is to be your own advocate to be the one who believes in your value today and who tells you that you have everything it takes to enjoy wild success. What would you tell your own godling? Your own child who is divine? Would you limit her, caution her and stay her joy in who and what she is? Or, would you Rejoyce in her extraordinariness and recognize the divine creator she is. This is the gift you must learn to give yourself and for which you receive all help and support possible, which is endless, eternal, and all powerful. The very power that moves the planets in their obits is always moving within you as you. The creativity you express is the same creativity that is God.

You are that Love which you seek.

Love yourself through action.

Cherish yourself actively.

Believe in yourself completely.

Pray and know that you are a child of the cosmos which is loving and sweet and barely containable.

Be a container that is permeated by its surroundings which is Love.

Love yourself through the words you use, the thought you have, the action you perform and the ideas about your world you hold most dear.

The Fox Institute needs you. You don’t pay them. You are the teacher now. The best teacher is the student who is also the teacher., who knows she is the teacher. She is confident in the power and the wisdom she is and is intimately connected to and therefore shares.

Your unique perspective is needed and right now you must bring it to Light using all the support available to you. That is saying quite a lot. The entire universe is working through you to support the giving of this gift. Nothing less than the best of who ad what you are is expected – is known. We know you are not only capable of creating a wisdom school, we are creating it with you, helping you to think in sufficiently large ways so that you can bring about a peace in which others can connect with the love that is within them. Expressing though them. You are the conduit through which this love is born into the world and it is good.

March 2018 through June 2018

Making art is a language we use to express and understand Oneness and the paradox of dualism. We begin with One and understand everything within that One. But how to come to terms with that truth – to really live with it? Art.

This journal, this time, was spent reading and taking notes from Science of Mind and writing treatments.

May 23, 2018, I had my first interview with the School of Art. That date has my notes for the interview. Really the notes were for me to remember that I am enough. I have done enough. And what I wanted them to know about my accomplishments.

June 6, 2018, I begin the process of “involution.”

I have a marker saying those pages are for work. It is a comparison for manifestation with the creation of art. I can look back on that if I want to.

There are no messages from my guides in this journal.